


if you let her touch you

by BlueMoonHound, Capitola



Series: hide and seek [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: (...obviously), Bureau of Balance Era, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Office Blow Jobs, pre-Taakitz, transactional sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-13 23:08:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13580853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueMoonHound/pseuds/BlueMoonHound, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Capitola/pseuds/Capitola
Summary: “I'm in the process of saving the entire planar system, and any other planar systems that may, theoretically, exist.” Lucretia says. “And if you let me live till I'm done with this, I'll suck your dick.”Or, Two Workaholics Come to an Arrangement





	if you let her touch you

**Author's Note:**

> Done in collaboration with a friend who wishes to remain anonymous (even though they wrote almost all of it and I just offered comments). Please leave only nice comments and/or constructive criticism.

The bounty on Lucretia Maryam is, well, it's one of the strangest he's ever seen. According to his listing, she's died ten times. Unlike resurrected souls, or those who performed necrotic rituals, however, she never once visited the astral plane. It's Kravitz's duty to bring her home. Her, and the gnome that seems to live with her, who's died only three times-- still three times more than allowable.

  
"...So I'm afraid I have to reap your souls, you've lived far past your time."

Lucretia leans forward, clasping her hands on the desk. "I'm aware. I do have a question."

"Yes?"

"How long has it been since you got laid?"

"....I'm sorry?" He closes his book, gently, and flicks it out of existence.

“It's been a while, hasn't it?” Lucretia grins. One of her hands moves away from the desk and plays in the grain of her white oak staff. “I have a job to do, and a proposition to make. I'm sure we can come to an equitable solution here, one which will satisfy both you and your goddess.”

“Unorthodox. Um.” He swallows. “What, exactly, do you need to do? I can't imagine it's so important--”

“I'm in the process of saving the entire planar system, and any other planar systems that may, theoretically, exist.” Lucretia says. “And if you let me live till I'm done with this, I'll suck your dick.”

“Save the planar system – how do you even know about the planar system?”

Lucretia sighs. “You're dead, right?”

“Yes?”

“If I say, The Institute for Planar Research and Exploration, you can hear that right?”

"Yes??”

“Okay, good. I'll explain, but-- you cannot tell this story to anyone. Anyone at all. Not even the raven queen. It will come out of your mouth sounding like static, and there's nothing I can do about that.”

He opens his mouth to ask a million questions, swarming in his brain, but she holds up a finger. “Let me tell you about the hunger of all living things.”

She tells him about a great living, writhing plane of existence, one that eats everything it touches, absorbs it, cracks bonds down so they overlap. She tells him how she plans to stop it.

She doesn't tell him why she has died.

“So what exactly are you asking me to give you, exactly?”

“I need, well, less than a year now, and I'd like Davenport to just stay. He needs to have a good life and he's not going to get it in the next year.”

“And you're offering me--”

“Today?” She puts her index finger to her lips, a damp tongue appearing between them. “A blowjob. But you're welcome to come back any time you please.”

His cock twitches. He shifts his weight uncomfortably, side to side.

“How about a compromise. I'm not sure I can grant you complete amnesty but, at the very least, I can, ah, put the bounty off. We can come to a more solid conclusion when this is all said and done.”

“Sounds,” She considers for a moment, her finger still awfully close to her mouth. “Equitable.”

He takes a few steps away from the desk and folds his arm. “Well, are you--”

Lucretia stands, one hand firm around her staff to help her guide herself upright. “Of course.” She smiles. She walks over to him, leaving the staff behind on the desk, and places her hands against his chest, leaning in. She's so close-- She's so tall, she's at least four inches taller than he is. She presses her thin frame against his body and he takes a small breath. He's ashamed of how hard he is already. It's been so long since he had sex with anyone and he's starting to unravel.

“May I kiss you?”

“Y-yes?”

He discovers that her lips are soft, plush and a little damp. He leans into the kiss. Then, suddenly, she kneels down on the floor, her chin landing at dick level. He squeaks when her nose lands on his fly, and then her hands are working their way up his trousers, slow and steady, feeling at his muscles. Little flurries of sensation run down his legs in waves as she explores his thighs with long, strong fingers. Her tongue moves visibly behind her teeth, licking between lips and incisors. Her smirk is delectable. His cock throbs, imagining what she could do with that mouth.

It's uncomfortable already in his trousers, which feel far too tight.

Finally, Lucretia's hands run along the outline of his erection, sending sweet, sweet sensation through his body. He sighs, feeling himself twitch again under her hand.

“Goodness,” She says. “It really has been a long time, hasn't it?” She squeezes him, then pulls away.

“About seven hundred years,” He gasps. “You, ah, promised me a blowjob?” He's too close for this teasing bullshit.

“Yes, I did,” Lucretia says, promptly unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants. He sighs in relief as his dick is freed from cloth prison. Not that it's not still somewhat trapped under his boxers, but at least those are a flexible cotton material. Her hands linger in the dips of his hipbones, that same wry smile still comfortably at home on her face. He wonders how often she's done this.

She slides his boxers down, then, and his dick pops free at last. He expects her to put it in her mouth, but instead she reaches behind it, messing with his balls. Her fingers are cool and gentle.

His legs are wobbly, and he thinks she notices, because she turns him around with a steady hand and pushes him against the desk. He braces himself on it, a little overwhelmed.

Finally, finally, she puts her mouth on him, and he almost comes right there. It's warm and soft, and he can almost feel his heartbeat running down his arms, even though he knows his heart hasn't beat for years. He moans when her hot tongue slides against his head, twitching so violently that her hands tighten almost painfully on his thighs, holding him in place.

All of a sudden, she's sliding down onto him, taking him to the hilt with almost no effort. Kravitz sees sparks, moaning embarrassingly loudly. Kravitz is far past coherence at this point. She swallows around him, and honestly? He'd love to warn her that he's going to come, but instead he just yells, pleasure rocketing through his body. Her tongue slides along his length and sucks him through the orgasm.

She slides off him when his knees start to give out, quick to catch him and lower him to the ground. Somehow, he's pulled back together, his fly and belt re-fastened. He's feeling too sleepy and happy to pay too much attention to the particulars.

When he comes back down from his little bubble of happiness, Lucretia is sitting at her desk again, doing paperwork. She's sprayed a flowery smelling perfume in the air but otherwise nothing seems to have changed since he entered the room in the first place. Well, nothing except what he's actually aware of. He gets to his feet, still trembling a little bit.

“Was that sufficient?” Lucretia asks, tidying a stack of paper and setting it aside. Her staff is leaning against her shoulder again, giving off a soft blue light.

“Y-yes, gods almighty--” He takes a deep breath. “And I may come back whenever?”

“Well, you may, but you might have to wait if you come back at an inopportune moment. It might be easier to make an appointment.” She tugs a sheet of paper from a pile on the other side of the desk and hands it to him. “Tomorrow at three I'm free for a full hour.”

“Oh--” He laughs, a little hysterically. That's so soon. “Tomorrow might be – Maybe Saturday? I don't have anything going on then.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Lucretia says. “Maybe we can do something a little more intimate, if you're up for it.”

“I-intimate?” More intimate than a blowjob? “What--”

She just grins at him. Feeling an emotion he can't entirely put words to, Kravitz cuts his way back to the Astral plane.

He's out of his depth. It makes shivers run down his spine.


End file.
